Tis All Good, In the Hood
by YuraNoYami
Summary: Basically, this is Inuyasha... Ghetto Style! Come enjoy the strange and insane stories of this interesting ghetto. CoAuthor: DestinyofInsanity. Story starts at Ch. 3! Rated for language and drugs. No lemons, but references. Jerry Springer finally posted!
1. Personality Test!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. **

**KNOW THIS! I CAN NOT take all credit for this. This is just something me and my very good friend Tenshi (destinyofinsanity) came up with. It may just be the characteristics, but it's pretty damn funny! Enjoy this surprising interlude that I have just decided to make public!**

**--**

_Inuyasha: Ghetto Style!_

**Inuyasha:** Wanna-be rapper who aspires to leave the projects and make something of himself; now is employed at the Mystic gas station

**Kagome:** Inuyasha's loyal ho; _(Yura: This surprised me. Hoes are loyal now? Tenshi: Duh! Yura: Oh…) _Works at the beauty salon.

**Sango:** Hard working waitress that aspires to be the next Alicia Keys.

**Kaede:** Crazy old lady that runs the antique shop/Crack house; is and ex. Hooker and a pro. Drug dealer.

**Kikiyou**: Inuyasha's ex. Works the corner of 3rd and Elm at night, works as the 7-11/liquor store by day.

**Miroku:** Hapless wanna-be pimp that used to be a rich city mamma's boy, moved to the projects to get in touch with his fellow man.

**Sesshomaru: **The local Mary Kay and Avon dealer.

**Jaken:** Sesshomaru's wigger personal assistant.

**Rin:** Sesshomaru's adopted daughter runs the pawn shop and strips part-time to pay for her birth control.

**Shippou:** The go-to guy for all your ghetto needs.

**Kanna: **The albino fortune teller has a TV show on public access on Tues. and Thurs.

**Kagura:** Lives RIGHT BESIDE the airport; dreams of being a pilot, and lives with 6 birds.

**Houjo:** The cracker pharmacist, crushes on Kagome.

**Hiten:** The local 'law enforcement' officer; woks at the Rent-A-Cop center.

**Bankotsu: **Lead vocalist of the metal band 'The Band of 7'.

**Jokotsu:** A gay guy that comes to the ghetto once a week to practice with the band and fill up at the Mystic.

**Kouga:** The blue-collar mechanic, (The Lightn' Lube), king of the ghetto, and the father of Ayame's kids. (Maury proved it)

**Ayame:** Kouga's crazy-ass girlfriend works with Kagome and Yura in the salon.

**Tenshi:** Crazy woman (That runs a meth lab in a tent out side I&K's crib) who is convinced her cat is Inuyasha's child and a boozer in general.

**Yura: **Tenshi's roommate works with Kagome and is constantly trying to drown her in the shampoo sink, has a fondness for rum.

**Kikia: **_(Yura: Our other friend that is too lazy to look at Fan fiction…) _Sesshomaru's boss who has no idea he's gay.

**Hanna: **The local Skater Slut, rebellious, and down right crazy. Also, TBO7's biggest fan.

**La' Sharaquay & Ayeouga:** Kouga and Ayame's kids. _(Yura: Oh, scary… Tenshi: RUN!)_

**Naraku:** The greedy-ass landlord.

--

**There you go! If I insulted anyone with ANY of that… I'm terribly sorry… Unless it's about y friends or Sesshomaru… then I'm laughing my ass off. Hey Hanna, YOU told me to call you that! **

**Well, this story is in script form at the moment, but it may change! If Tenshi and me can scrounger up any ideas, that is… Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this informational story! **

**Ja-ne, peplz! **

**Yura-Chan**


	2. Camero? Pickup? No!

**Disclaimer: Only when Kikiyou is alive and Inuyasha burns eternally for being in TRUE love with the dead pot.**

**Haha, I LUV that disclaimer! Don't u? Sry… I've been spending WAY too much time on IM. Anywayz, this chapter is about who drives what in the hood. Sad, but funny. Enjoy! Next chapter is when the REAL story TRULY begins!**

**--**

**Inuyasha: **A dark red low-rider with hydraulics and stained leather seats. (He's so proud of that)

**Kagome: **A green Pinto with pink accents and 20-inch spinner rims.

**Miroku:** Used to have a purple Mercedes-Benz, stolen. Now drives a beat up Station Wagon. (He doesn't realize that that is the WHITEST car ever!)

**Houjo:** A silver Chrysler, Sebring.

**Kagura:** Some old Da Vinci object that doesn't even work.

**Kanna:** She just appears places…

**Shippou:** Jacked Miroku's Benz; sold it for booze money. Drives orange Neon.

**Kaede: **A white Civic with smoke vinyl.

**Kikiyou: **Whatever man's car she crawls into…

**Hanna: **Rolls with the Band of 7.

**The Band of 7:** An old, grey van (Not mini van… VAN) with graffiti all over it.

**Kouga & Ayame:** A bright yellow tow-truck.

**Hiten:** A white SUV with green lights on top and the words 'Vol. Police Force' on the side. (With the word Vol. slightly crossed out…)

**Sesshomaru:** A pink Cadillac with the Avon logo on one side and the Mary Kay logo on the other.

**Kikia:** A navy blue Mustang and a black Harley Davidson

**Tenshi & Yura:** A Carolina Blue Monte Carlo, with clockwise-spinner rims and New York Yankees bling in the windshield. _(Yura: I like the At. Braves too…)_

**Naraku: **An onyx limo.

**--**

**Tada! Weird I know, but Tenshi and I have put a LOT of thought into this… We have no life, ne? W/e**

**Anywayz, (I do that a lot, don't I?) the real story will begin soon! I promise you that!**

**Ja-ne! Yura-Chan**


	3. Enter the Ghetto: Drugs n' Stuff

**Disclaimer: I'm running out of ideas for these disclaimer thingies… O well.**

**Alright! I know you've been waiting patiently for this… I'm really sorry, but I have my other stories to work on! Lemme know what u guys think about the 1st chapter!**

**--**

_The sun rises over the junkyard… abandoned cars glistening with the promise of better things…. No-so-muffled cursing can be heard from even the darkest, most secluded alleys. Yes… tis all good in the hood._

**Voice 1:** DAMMIT!  
**Voice 2:** NO, DAMN _YOU!  
_**Voice 1: **SHUT UP BEFORE I BUSTA CAP IN YO ASS!  
**Voice 2:** BITE ME MUTHA FU-  
**Voice 3: **YO DUMBASS! I'M _TRYING _TO SLEEP!  
**Voice 1: **SHUT UP, HO!  
**Voice 3: **OH _HELL _NO!

_Yes… tis all good in the hood._

**-There is the sound of glasses breaking as bottles and cans are thrown at the small, greenish man-  
****Rin: **THAT'LL TEACH YA', 'YA UGLY SKANK HO!  
**Jaken: **ME! _YOU'RE_ THE HO! WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT JACKSON I GAVE YO ASS LAST WEEK FOR GROCERIES!  
**Rin:** WHAT! WE GOT FOOD WIGGER!  
**Jaken: **HELL IF WE DO! YOU SPENT THEM ALL ON TRUCK-STOP RUBBERS!  
**Rin: **IT'S NOT MY FAULT! LORD FLUFF-FIZZLE TOOK THEM _ALL!  
_**Fluff-Fizzle: SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I STAB _BOTH_ YO FRIGGIN ASSES!**

_Yes… tis all good in the hood._

**Tenshi: **-Takes a swig of Vodka and fixes tube-top- And then that bitch told me to give her the keys to 'her man's' car! I was like 'HELL NO, BIOTCH!"  
**Yura: **-Snatches away bottle and refastens on of her HUGE hoop earrings- HELL YEAH! You told that bitch!  
**-The turn on the radio and 'My Humps' is soon blaring. Both clearly think they are Fergie as the dance around the crappy apartment-  
****Sango: **-In the apartment below, bangs broom against ceiling- SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S FUCKING FOUR THIRTY!  
**Y&T: **-Jump and yell in a vent- BITE US, BUTTMUNCHER!

_Yes… tis all good in the hood._

**-Miroku wanders in to the old antique store and Kaede emerges from a rather smoky back room-  
****Miroku: **Hello, I'm new around here. Can you show me where to get something good to-?  
**Kaede: **Smoke?  
**Miroku: **-Blinks- Uh, no…  
**Kaede: **Inject?  
**Miroku: **...no…  
**Kaede: **-brightens up- Ah! I see you are the sniffing type! Right this way! –Motions him to the back room-  
**Miroku: **Uh, no… I didn't come here for any of that.  
**Kaede: **-looks disappointed- I see… tough customer… If ye would like, I can show ye the. –Looks around and leans closer to Miroku-  
_The Special Stash.  
_**Miroku: **-Looks frightened- _S-special Stash?  
_**Kaede: **Yeah, ever heard of Ecstasy?  
**Miroku: **-Tries to be cool and hide the fact that he's a complete pansy- Uh, yeah. HELL YEAH! Ecstasy's the shiznit man! Wowza ba boom!  
**Kaede: **-Raises eyebrow- What are ye on…? And WHERE on Earth did ye get it? –Picks up paper and pen- And can you give ACURATE directions?  
**Miroku: **-Turns to leave, runs into the doorway, turns back around, waves and runs out-  
**Kaede: **-Shakes head- Dammed Ecstasy…

_Dammed Ecstasy…_

**Shippou: **-Carefully looking over a baggy of what looks to be oregano- Stupid old hag… she better not have snaked the goods…  
**Kanna: **-Walks dreamily by, several rags and scarves draped over her small persona- Greetings my friend…  
**Shippou: **-Without looking up from the weed- Wha'd up, biotch?  
**Kanna: **-looks over purposely at the weed- That sure looks like a lot of grass you got there Shippou.  
**Shippou: **-Looks up- Why? Want some?

**-Ten minutes later-**

**Kanna: **-Laughs obnoxiously- Whoa! I'VE GOT. _TWO. HANDS!  
_**Shippou: **_ME TOO! _How fucked up is THAT?

_Dammed Ecstasy…_

**Inuyasha: **-Slams the door to the Mystic, hand resting on a gun- OH _HELL _NO! I thought I told you bitches to sty away from here!  
**Yura: **-Throws her hands up in a calming gesture- Calm down, big dog!  
**Inuyasha: **-Getting more pissed off- What the hell are you doing here anyways?  
**Yura: **Uh… getting gas… duh.  
**Tenshi: **The MC's running on E.  
**Inuyasha: **-Rolls eyes- This day couldn't get any worse…  
**Tenshi: **-Tries to wrap arms around him- Don't be like that Boo!  
**Inuyasha: **-Tries to push her away-HELL NO!  
**Tenshi: **HOW CAN YOU NOT AKNOWLEDGE OUR CHILD?  
**Inuyasha: **Cause that damn cat ain't my kid!  
**Tenshi: **-Shoves Inushi into his face- HOW CAN YOU DENY THE RESEMBLSNCE?  
**Yura: **Cause he drunk or high you ho.  
**Inushi: **-Still shoved into Inuyasha's face; hisses loudly-  
**Inuyasha: **Woof.  
**Tenshi: **-Wails and bursts into tears-  
**Yura: **-Steers her into the Monte Carlo- Common, Kaede will make it all better…  
**Inushi: **-Jumps into car. Clearly excited.-  
**Yura: **Sorry… she hadn't had her drugs today…  
**Inuyasha: **Whatever, bitch.  
**Yura: **Her cat is hell on wheels… said cat just hasn't been the same since it raided out liquor cabinet…  
**Inuyasha: **Says the girl with a meth lab in a tent… in MY backyard!  
**Yura: **Hey, Tenshi's idea, not mine! I would have put it in the junkyard but nooooo!  
**Inuyasha: **She doesn't say you mothered her fish or anything does she?  
**Yura: **Only in her poor, pathetic little dreams… Tenshi! Get that damn cat out of my stuff!  
**Inuyasha: **-To himself- Who doesn't like 'Stuff'?  
**Yura: **TENSHI!

_Kikiyou's Corner…_

--

**I think that's all I'm going to do for now! But I hope you guys liked it! Tenshi n' I are still working on this plot-deprived story for your enjoyment!**

**Ja-ne!**


	4. Dirty, Dirty Hooker!

**Disclaimer: I only own him in me and Tenshi's meth lab… in a tent… in Inuyasha's backyard… la.**

**Okay, I know the last chapter was HILARIOUS but I think you'll like this one too! Ghetto Nite Continues!**

**--**

**Kikiyou:** -Glances at watch and scratches her leather mini-skirted ass. Puts on a sluttish grin as the red low-rider pulls up to the gas station only a few yards away- HEY BABY!  
**Inuyasha: **-Gets out of car- Oh, shit… I told you! Kagome's my bitch now! NOT YOU!  
**Kikiyou: **-Tries to look sexy as she perches and falls off of the hood of the low rider- Is that so? Well I don't see that skinny heifer  
around here… do you baby?  
**Inuyasha: **-Smirks- Hey look, Kikiyou… some old rich guy willing to pay by the half-hour.  
**Kikiyou: **-Looks excited- Oh, where!  
**Inuyasha: **-Uses the temporary distraction to run inside and lock the door to the Mystic-  
**Kikiyou: **-Realizes she's been tricked and crosses her arms over her barely covered chest- FINE! BE THAT WAY!

_Kikiyou's Corner…_

**Bankotsu:** -Stumbles into the garage, bottle of vodka in one hand and his shirt in the other-  
**Jokotsu:** Rough night?  
**Bankotsu: **You could say that….  
**Rinkotsu: **Lots of beer and lots of hookers?  
**Suikotsu: **I love this town.  
**Jokotsu: **Technically, it's not even a town.  
**Kyokotsu: **Sure it is! We've got a police force, a gas station, mechanic, a service industry…  
**Mukotsu: **Yeah, right. The only service industry is Kikiyou's Corner…  
**Everyone else: **-Nods in agreement-

_Kikiyou's Corner…_

**-An airplane flies over the crappy house, shaking it-  
****Kagura:** -Asleep, mumbling something about Mac n' cheese; jumps out of bed, looks utterly pissed- DAMN YOU AMERICAN AIRLINES! –Falls to the ground- WHY? WHY OH WHY CSN"T I FLY WITH YOU IN PERPETUAL GLORY! –Sobs, 6 birds fly over to her- My dears, you love me don't you? You believe in me, don't you?  
**Bird: **-Squawks- Loser, loser –Squawks- -Whistles-  
**Kagura: **-Scowls- Peaches and Cream! Tell Oreo I'm not a loser!  
**Peaches and Cream:** Squawks- You dumb ho! –Squawks-  
(And the strange thing is they're all pigeons…)

…

**Tenshi: **-Scrambles into the diner, mascara running and her hair utterly screwed up-  
**Sango: **Tried to collect your child support again, huh?  
**Tenshi: **-Nods and slumps in a seat-  
**Kagome: **-Walks in, chipper as ever- Wha'd up bitches?  
**Yura: **-Runs in, does the peculator for a few moments and sits down-  
**Ayame: **-Walks in, clutching a paper bag-  
**Sango: **What's going on?  
**Yura: **-Grins- Meet us in the back…

**Yura: **Ayame, if I wasn't so high right now I'd… WHOA! MY. HANDS. ARE. _FUCKING. HUGE! _How fucked up is THAT!  
**Tenshi: **MINE TOO! Weird…  
**T&Y: **Sweet! –The two high five… and miss-  
**Kagome: **Thanks Ayame… -Eyes roll into the back of her head and she passes out-  
**Sango: **Where'd you get this stuff anyway?  
**Ayame: **Don't thank me! If Kouga hadn't passed out I would have never been able to raid his stash!  
**Tenshi: **Your lazy-ass baby-daddy RULES!  
**Kaede: **-Walks in-  
**Everyone: **-Screams-  
**Kaede: **Tis only I. I though you might be needing a refill.  
**Yura: **WE LOVE YOU KAEDE!

…

**Miroku: **-Walking down sidewalk- What goes on around here?  
**-Car whizzes by and is soon caught by Hiten; the local rent-A-Cop-  
****Hiten: **-Walks over to car- Alright cracker, gimmie your license. You're drunk, right?  
**Houjo: **Maaaaaaaaaaaaaybeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Who wants toooo knooooooww?  
**Kagome: **-To Inuyasha, in background- Who woulda thought the cracker pharmacist would be busted for DUI?  
**Inuyasha: **Hell if I know.  
**Miroku: **Shazam… This place gets more and more interesting! –Skips down the sidewalk with some worried glances from EVERYONE-

…

**--**

**OK This one was shorter but it was funny right? I need reviews please!**

**-Yura**


	5. Eye Candy

**Disclaimer: Yeah, well… sure.**

**Tenshi and I have noticed that she has done most of the work on this story! _Gasp_ Anyways, I'm doing the appearances! Sorry it's taken so long to do this, but we've been having some trouble. Tenshi helped with this too, but ya know.**

**--**

**Clothes**

**Kikyou: **Black leather mini-skirt, fishnet stockings, **tight** white T-shirt with **low** V-neck, red **high**-heeled shoes.  
**Ayame: **Short (But not mini) silver skirt, with black tank-top (has 'H.O.T.' across the front in pink).  
**Sango:** Tight khaki jeans, black V-neck T-shirt, black heeled boots.  
**Kagome: **Green skirt (It's famous), white tube-top with a heart below the left shoulder (Actually, where the heart should be), **dark** red lace-up high-heels.  
**Rin: **Orange short dress with white boots with the top right below her knees, **a lot** of rings and one single silver bracelet.  
**Kanna: **White dress that goes to her ankles, white flip-flops, blue scarves draped over her shoulders, carries a mirror for no reason at all.  
**Kagura: **red-blue-and yellow dress with short sleeves and box-neck.  
**Jakotsu: **Whatever he feels like wearing.  
**Kaede**: White T-shirt andwhite pants. Shirt: "Dammed Ecstasy…"  
**Hanna: **Black BO7 T-shirt (Logo is green), camouflage pants, black-green Etnies.  
**Kikia:** Normal blue jeans, red T-shirt with the collar cut off, white-black Etnies.  
**Tenshi:** Light blue tube top /w dark blue jeans and white New Balances.  
**Yura:** **Huge** hoop-earrings, red T-shirt with wide-neck, blue jeans with brown ties on the side, heart-bling, and about 5 rings.  
**Sesshomaru (Fluffy): **White baggy pants with red-white muscle shirt.  
**Jaken: **Brown pants and a brown T-shirt and a brown backwards cap /w the NY Yankees logo on the front.  
**Shippou: **Navy blue jeans and yellow shirt /w a pot leaf on the back. "Pass on Grass"  
**Bankotsu: **An indigo muscle shirt and faded blue jeans with a black belt that is just there, it's not for anything really.  
**The rest of the Band Of Seven:** Whatever they want.  
**Hiten & Manten: **The Rent-A-Cop 'Police' uniforms. (Blue/black/yellow) A stick (nightstick w/e).  
**Naraku:** A grey business suit.  
**Miroku: **Dark purple shirt /w dark blue baggy jeans. Rings in the places they are in the series. (Oh wait…)  
**Inuyasha: **Red (Duh) shirt /w black jeans, too many blings to count, black-platinum Etnies.  
**Kouga:** Brown jeans /w black long shirt; spinner, "Ghetto", and "King" blings/ Blue mechanic outfit.

**Girls' Nails  
**  
**Kagome: **Hot pink /w green swirls.  
**Ayame:** Orange /w silver dots.  
**Sango: **Dark pink on every other nail and black on the others.  
**Rin:** Transitions. White when cold, orange when warm.  
**Kikyou:** Cherry red.  
**Kanna: **White French manicure.  
**Kagura:** Blue/Silver/Dark Red stripes.  
**Kaede:** Ecstasy neon blue.  
**Hanna:** Pot-leaf green.  
**Jakotsu: **A barely noticeable pink.  
**Kikia: **Black /w red/orange/yellow flames coming from her cuticle.  
**Tenshi: **A weird burgundy color with a gold heart on each nail.  
**Yura: Dark** red /w silver flares airbrushed on.

**Hair**

_This is where it gets funny!_

**Kagome: **Ebony, pulled up in a fireworks display with a bright red clip.  
**Ayame: **Burt orange, falls down just below her shoulders /w orange and silver beads weighing it down.  
**Sango: **Dark brown, keeps insisting she doesn't have a weave, pulled back into a ponytail with a bright pink scrunchie.  
**Rin: **Black, goes down to her waist, part is pulled up into a small pigtail on the side of her head.  
**Kikyou: Has** a weave and Kagome almost pulled it out when they first met, yellow highlights (From weave) and braided at bottom, ponytail /w black scrunchie.  
**Kanna: White** comes down to the small of her back.  
**Kagura: **Pulled back into a bun with a light blue barrette, three bluish-silver feathers tucked into the wad of ebony hair.  
**Kaede: **Grey, low ponytail /w a white ribbon.  
**Hanna: **Falls just below her shoulders messily, semi-dark brown /w blue highlights on the ends.  
**Kikia: **Long light brown hair that comes to her shoulders.  
**Tenshi:** Golden blonde hair that curls at the bottom, sometimes up, right above her shoulders.  
**Yura: **Ebony hair that goes to the small of her back, dark red highlights through the whole, lighter red around the bangs in the front.  
**Jakotsu: Dark** brown, pulled into a short ponytail on the side of her head.  
**Sesshomaru: **Do I have to say it? Long silver that falls around mid-thigh.  
**Jaken: **None. He's bald.  
**Shippou: **Bright orange that's always in a bun /w an indigo tie  
**Bankotsu: **Long ebony single braid down his spine, falls around his knees.  
**Hiten: **Same as Bankotsu but shorter, the small of his back.  
**Manten: **Three black hairs.  
**Naraku: **Long, messy, ebony, goes to right below his shoulders.  
**Miroku: **Black,Held back by a gold band, sort of like a rat-tail from the 80's.  
**Inuyasha: **Same as always, to the waist, platinum, darker-than-cherry-red due rag.  
**Kouga: **(The funniest of them all!) Ebony, braided into cornrows!

--

**I'm still not over Kouga's cornrows! Oi, that was fun! Yeah, sorry about the whole "Being Late" thing but we've been working on the "National 'We Love The Ghetto' Day!" It's gonna rock! Parties and raps. Oh, and Naraku's 1st appearance, let's make him queer!**

**Ja-ne!**


	6. Original Copies and Forgotten Skits

**Disclaimer: Yeah, well… sure.**

**--  
****  
Kagome:** :Touches up her eye shadow in the mirror just as Ayame walks into the Kabuki Goddess beauty shop: Hey girlfriend!  
**Ayame:**Slings purse halfway across the room and slumps in the nearest chair: Hey Kagome…  
**Kagome:** :Walks over and stands beside her: Damn girl! What did that no good asshole do to you?  
**Ayame:** :Inspects nails: Everything in the book, hon. Everything in the fucking book.  
**Kagome:** :Back to normal chipper self: Well…how's La' Sharaquay and Ayouga?  
**Ayame: **Besides being complete morons like their daddy, you mean.  
**Kagome:** :Blinks:  
**Ayame:** :Groans: Stupid ass Kouga! It's all fun and games until someone forgot that the rubber in his pocket was two years old!  
**Kagome:** :Goes back to messing with makeup: Well the only thing I ever to give a damn about is that skank ho Kikyou. Who the hell does she think she is? Shaking her nasty slut ass around my man!  
**Ayame:** I hear ya girl:The two high five:

_Yep…_

**Kouga: **What up, my brotha?  
**Inuyasha:** :Waves grumpily:  
**Kouga:** :Slides out from beneath a car:  
**Inuyasha:** You seen the bitches?  
**Kouga:**Shakes head: Hell, if I knew that, I'd have time to hide!  
**Inuyasha:** Hiding from your crazy-ass girlfriend is not a very good idea…  
**Kouga: **What would you know Muttface:Slides back under car:  
**Inuyasha:** Incase you forgot… I've got a crazy meth-head following me around claiming I fathered her cat!  
**Kouga:** And I though MY life was fucked up…  
**Inuyasha: **Don't worry fucker, it still is. :Walks away:  
**Kouga: **Bastard…

_La…_  
**  
:Door to the Mystic gas station slams, with the sound of struggling and cursing coming from the front room:  
****Ayame:** Common! DAMMIT! Oh, screw it:**Thud:** :**Panting:** You need to lay off the Big Wacs Kagome…  
**Inuyasha:**Walks out from back room: What the hell is going on?  
**Ayame:**Looks up :We had a stoner party with Sango, Yura, and Tenshi… and your girlfriend passed out!  
**Inuyasha:** :Sighs and flings her over his shoulder: Stupid bitch…  
**Ayame:** Me or her?  
**Inuyasha:** Both of you… :Walks into the back room:  
**Ayame: **HEY! I RESENT THAT!

_Of course you do…_

**Tenshi: **KANNA:Bust down door to the Fortune Teller's shop:  
**Kanna:** :Emerges from the back room, and sits down in her chair with her hands on her Crystal Bal:l What might you need?  
**Tenshi: **I NEED to know. Will Inuyasha ever accept that Inushi is his child!  
**Kanna:**Blinks: You DO know that his name is INUyasha, right? And that cats can have more that 10 dads…  
**Tenshi: **WHAT! It isn't true! It CAN'T be! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
**Kanna:**Gets up to leave: I don't even have to look to tell you no… :Walks into the smoky back room:  
**Tenshi: **Inuyasha-boo! How could you do this to me:Runs out of building with mascara eyes: I STILL BELIEVE!

_Ha, whatever…_

**Miroku:** :Walks into diner: I've been looking for somewhere to eat…  
**Sango:** :Comes up chewing gum, and sighing… she doesn't want to be there: What do you want? And sit down.  
**Miroku:** Well, well… I didn't know the projects could hold such beauty within.  
**Sango:** :Looks up from her notepad:n You're not from around here are you?  
**Miroku:**Moves over closer to her: Why, no. How did you know?  
**Sango:** It's kindda obvious… :Her face pales: You… you… PERVERT!  
**:SMACK:  
****Miroku:** I was just merely getting a GOOD FEEL of the projects!  
**Sango: **I know you like it… but don't touch it!  
**Kagome:**Walks in the diner: Shit, you ain't got no ass girl!  
**Miroku:** :Turns around: **_Damn!_  
****Sango:** Like hell if I don't! Like hell if YOU do!  
**Kagome:** Shit! I've got plenty of junk in my trunk!  
**Sango: **Yeah, in your Pinto…  
**Kagome: **Oh HELL no!  
**Miroku: **If I may interrupt… Might I get some water?  
**Sango and Kagome:** To drink maybe!  
**Miroku:**Pouts: Your no fun…'  
**Kagome: **Who's the Kracker?  
**Sango: **Hell if I know… He just walked in here and started feeling me up!  
**Kagome: **Well, he'd better not try anything with me… or I'll get Inuyasha to bustta cap up in his ass!  
**Miroku: **That is slang for…  
**Sango: **He's gonna shoot you Whitie!  
**Miroku: **And 'Inuyasha' would be…  
**Kagome:** Common, wigger! Have you not seen the ONLY gas station for 3 miles!  
**Miroku:**Blank expression: No…  
**Kagome: **Dumbass… :Walks out of the Diner:  
**Sango:** Wait for me Kagomalisha:Runs after her:  
**Miroku:** I think I'm gonna like it here…

_Kracker…_

**Sesshomaru:** Jaken! What the HELL are you doing!  
**Jaken:** :Looks up from two perfume bottles: Yes, me Lord?  
**Sesshomaru: **I told you… DON'T call me that. Call me Sesshomaru or Fluff-Fizzle. And what the HELL are you doing? We NEED those!  
**Jaken:** Sorry me- err-uh… Fluff-Fizzle.  
**:A dark blue Mustang pulls up to the two idiots on the sidewalk next to the pink Cadillac:  
****Kikia:** Sesshomaru! How are those new make-up kits and skin-care solutions sellin'?  
**Sesshomaru:** Perfectly fine.  
**Kikia:** Good. :Drives away:  
**:Sango comes running up sidewalk:  
****Sango:** Yo Fluff-Fizzle!  
**Sesshomaru:** :Reaches into his Mary Kay bag: Yes, Sango. I have your damn eye shadow!  
**Sango:** Good, cause if you didn't I was gonna bustta cap in yo ass, fool!  
**Sesshomaru:** And I would punch holes in YOUR ass with this nice blade I just bought from my dear friend, Shippou.  
**Sango: **Shippou sells blades now! That's one fucked up little bastard…  
**Sesshomaru:** Of course. Him and Jaken would make a perfect match.  
**Jaken: **Lord Fluff-Fizzle! How could you say something about me like that! What did I do-  
**Sesshomaru:** :Glares at Jaken: Shut the fuck up before I get so pissed off I have to kill your scrawny ass! And believe me… they WON'T find your sorry-ass body!  
**Sango:** :Backs away slowly: Okay… alright then… well… thanks Fluff-Fizzle… I owe your ass. :Runs away quickly:

_I found the original copy!_

**Kagome:** :Runs into the Mystic: Inu-Baka! Get your ass in here!  
**Inuyasha:** :Stops doing pull-ups on the doorframe: Wha'd up bitch?  
**Kagome:** Okay… One. A new perverted bastard's hitting on every girl in sight… just so you know… and…  
**Inuyasha:** Two! Kagome, Two! Ya know… comes after one but right before three…  
**Kagome:** :Glares at him: Don't be a smart-ass! Two… :Pulls a small Ziploc bag from her purse, it's filled with a white powder:  
**Inuyasha:** Kaede may be an old bitch, but she gets her hands on some damn good shit.  
**Kagome: **Kaede kicks ass… she gave me this for half-price… Oh! Three, the cable's working… I guess our neighbors paid their bill this month.  
**Inuyasha:** Took them long enough… lazy bastards…  
**Kagome: **Really… Wanna try this shit or not?  
**:Five minutes later:  
****  
Inuyasha:** **DAMN!** And only HALF price?  
**Kagome:** :Nods her head stupidly: Yep! The crazy bitch… she's probably gonna go outta business or the 5.0 finally found her out…  
**Inuyasha:** No way! No one expects the old lady in the antique store!  
**Kagome: **Yeah, really…  
**  
:Ten minutes later:**

**Inuyasha:** What if I don't make it Kag?  
**Kagome:** Make what?  
**Inuyasha:** You know bitch!  
**Kagome: **Shut- bastard! Man, you're so high… :Giggles:  
**Inuyasha:** Fuck you…  
**Kagome:** Screw you, dumbass!  
**Inuyasha:** We're so fucked up… :Laughs:  
**Kagome:** :Giggles: No shit dumbass!  
**_K & I:_** :Practically falling all over each other to get up:_ SHIT!_

_I think I wrote most of these… Haha, Tenshi! I did work too! Sticks tongue out_

**Yura:** Why don't you face the fact that he hates your ass?  
**Tenshi:**Pets Inushi: BECAUSE YURA-CHAN! He has to take responsibility for his son!  
**Yura:** Do you even remember giving birth to that cat?  
**Tenshi: **No… but… :Gasps: I have amnesia too!  
**Yura: **Yeah, you could have been drunk or stoned or something… no! You asshole! Now I'm starting to think weird!  
**Tenshi: **Don't worry Yura we can-  
**Sango:**Bangs broom against ceiling: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!  
**Yura: **Bite me!  
**Tenshi: **Don't worry Yura… as soon as I get my child support from his sorry ass we can move into a TRAILER!  
**Yura:** No way! Then we'll be drinking wine for breakfast and Martini's for lunch and dinner!  
**Tenshi: **Yeah! We'd be living it up! If My Inuyasha doesn't help me…  
**Yura: **You might as well get bent. He cares too much about that Kagome ho…  
**Tenshi:**Evil smile: Yura… are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
**Yura:**Evil smile: Yep. Snowball's chance in hell she'll survive…  
**Tenshi:**Stands up proud and clenches a fist: We have to do this TONIGHT:Starts to tip over and passes out face first in the carpet:  
**Yura:** :Shakes head: You sorry-ass boozer…  
**Sango: **SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MOTHER FUCKIN BASTARDS! IT"S FUCKING FOUR THIRTY IN THE FUCKING MORNING!

_See? I wrote most of these!_

**:Tenshi, Yura and Kikia are in T&Y's apartment:  
****Kikia:** DUDE! This Jack Daniels is BITCHIN!  
**Yura:** :Takes a swig of vodka: Not as good at this:Takes another swig: KICK ASS!  
**Tenshi:** :Chugs a Budweiser: OH SHIT! INUSHI! GET YO KRACKA' ASS IN THAT MOTHA FUCKIN BED RIGHT NOW!  
**Kikia:** :Slams shot glass on table: Shut up bitch! Ha, your soooo fucked up… **Hic  
****Yura: **Hey, Tenshi! Get the Martini Set while you're up! If we don't have any… get the Margaritas!  
**Tenshi:** :Practically trips over herself: Calm down bitch! I'll get it:Holds onto doorframe and passes out:  
**Yura:**Stands up: DAMMIT! Now I have to get it myself:Kicks Tenshi: Stupid bastard…  
**Kikia:** HURRY UP BIOTCH:Eyes roll into back of her head, and she passes out:  
**Sango:** :Bangs a broom on ceiling: SHUT THE FUCK UP! WE GO THROUGH THIS EVERY. FUCKING. NIGHT. SO SHUT THE FUCKIN HELL UP!  
**Yura:** Oh shit… :Falls over in kitchen, hits her head on countertop:

_Yep, I wrote 'em… aren't they good? Hmn?_

**:The Band of Seven finishes an excellent head-banging song. Hanna is jumping up and down in the crappy little garage:  
****Hanna:** OH KAMI! That was… AWESOME! You guys ROCK:Screams and makes the rock n' roll hand signal:  
**Bankotsu:** :Scribbles his name on a napkin :'To our loyal fan…' Uh, what's your name again?  
**Jakotsu:** It's Kanna isn't it?  
**Rinkotsu:** No you dumbass! It's Elena!  
**Suikotsu:** I thought it was Haori…  
**Kyokotsu:** What about Haru?  
**Mukotsu:** What about Elanna?  
**Ginkotsu:** Yes…  
**Bankotsu:** Shut-up morons! Let her tell us!  
**Hanna:** :Talking to herself: I've got to get that haircut from Yura today too….  
**Kyokotsu: **So it's Yura?  
**Hanna: **No dip-shit! It's Hanna! H-A-N-N-A, Hanna!  
**Bankotsu:** :Scribbles on the napkin again: 'To our loyal fan… Hanna…' :Hands her the napkin: There you go!  
**Hanna:**Screams: I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY GOT AN AUTOGRAPH:Screams, jumps up and down and runs out the door:  
**Rinkotsu: **Crazy bitch…

_Tenshi wrote the next one…_

**Ayame:** La' Sharaquay! Ayouga! Come in here an get yo spaghetti:dumps ketchup on a pile of limp noodles:  
**Kouga:**shuffles to table and slumps in his chair:  
**Ayame:** Who the hell you think you are!  
**Kouga:** What you on about, ho?  
**Ayame:**Yanks off his do' rag and smacks him in the head with it: You wouldn't wear your nasty ass rag at yo Mamma's table would you!  
**Kouga: **Bite me bitch:storms off:  
**Ayouga:** :Plays with little bling hanging from his neck: What's up his fuckin' ass?  
**Ayame:**Smiles and ruffles his auburn hair: Sweetie…This isn't no cheap-ass country liquor store, boy:Smacks him in the head:  
**Ayouga: **Dang! Mamma:Saunters off, jeans almost around his knees, typical wanna be pimp style (he's like 8!):  
**Ayame:**Shouts after him, hands on hips: Fine! You and your lazy ass Daddy can go screw a damn chicken for all I care!  
**La' Sharaquay:**Sits down at table: What up Big Mamma? (She's 5)  
**Ayame:**Knuckles her: The whole dang hood Lil' Mamma…the whole dang hood…

_More coming soon!_

_--_

**Yeah! I updated! I usually don't do that on this story so often… but I found the original context of the story! So these are the ficlet things I forgot! Sweet huh? I wrote most of these! So now Tenshi can't say she's done most of the work!**

**-Yura**


	7. The Maury Show

**Yes, I'm alive! oo You never would have thought, eh? Well, been kinda busy... anyway... here's some random stuffs..**

**--**

_Damned Ecstasy…_

**Sango, Ayame and Kagome are gathered around a crappy TV with 2 pints of Ice Cream  
****Kagome: **I never get tired of watching this!  
**Ayame: **Me either! It just makes me feel great to see the expression on Kouga's face when he learns the **truth**!  
**Sango: **Why am I the only one who hasn't been on TV?  
**Kagome: **Don't worry girl! You can get the perverted guy to go on Jerry's show! You get to hit him with a chair! Well, that's what I did  
to Kikyou…  
**Ayame: **Shit yeah! Or you could go on Maury! He lets you cuss them out to any extent!  
**Sango: **I guess, well let's watch!

**On the TV…**

**Maury: **Welcome to the Maury Show! Today we have a very nice young lady that says her man, Kouga, claims he **isn't** the father of her children! Let's get a picture of the kids.

**La' Sharaquay and Ayouga appear on the screen, Ayouga gives the camera the finger  
****Crowd: **Aww…  
**Ayame: **There they are! There are your damn kids you bastard!  
**Maury: **Well, we did a DNA test to find out if Kouga is indeed the father. Let's bring him out now!

**Kouga steps out from backstage, Ayame stands up and he flips her off  
****Kouga: **Alright you crazy bitch, I'm gonna show you that those kids aren't mine!  
**Ayame: **Those are your mother beep 'in kids you motha beep 'er!  
**Kouga:** Don't even try that you mother beep 'in bitch! I aughta bustta cap in you fat beep!  
**Ayame: **Oh, **hell** no you didn't!  
**Kouga: **Oh, **hell** yes I did! You beep 'in skank ho!  
**Ayame: Hell no** I ain't no ho! If anyone's the ho around here it's **you**! It's all fun 'til **someone** forgets the rubber in their pocket's 2 beep 'in years old!  
**Kouga: **I told you I didn't know about that! And how am I supposed to know you didn't go sleepin' around, huh?  
**Ayame: **'Cause not every broad is like 'yo momma!  
**Kouga: **Don't you talk about my mother that way ho!  
**Ayame: **The only ho is beep 'in Kikyou!  
**Maury: **Okay! The results are in!  
**Ayame: **Finally! Now gimmie my beep 'in child support you lazy-ass motha beep 'er!  
**Kouga: **Finally is right! Now I can get this bitch off my back!  
**Maury: **Kouga…. When it comes to La' Sharaquay and Ayouga… you… **are** the father!  
**Ayame: **Jumps up Oh, **hell** yeah!  
**Kouga: **Falls to the floor No! **Hell no!  
****Ayame: **Points at him I told you! I **told** you! **I beep 'in told you!  
****Maury: **Well, that puts an end to tonight's show. Join us next week for "Born without eyebrows. How **do** they show emotion?" Next time on Maury! Goodnight!

**Ayame, Sango and Kagome are rolling over in the floor laughing  
****Ayame: **Hell yes! **Hell**… **yes**!  
**Sango: **You showed him girl! You **showed** his ass!  
**Kagome: **Shit yeah! Fucking hell **yes!  
****Ayame: **I **love** Maury now!  
**Sango: **Oh, Jerry Springer's next!  
**Kagome: **Yeah! I wanna see me break that chair over Kikyou's back!  
**Ayame: **You about **killed** that kinky ho!  
**Kagome: **I know I did! She deserved it to! That fuckin' bitch! Shakin' her nasty skank ass around **my** man!

--

**Sorry, it's sort of a 'To Be Continued' at this point. I'm still waiting for Tenshi to finish writing Jerry; but since I haven't updated in a while and already had Maury all ready... you understand. Well, pray that Tenshi will get her ass in gear! lol**

**-Yura**


	8. Gettum Outta the Freezer!

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

**I'm so, so, so, so sorreh for being so late. I've been waiting for Tenshi to actually, maybe WRITE the rest of the Jerry Show. Since that's basically a no-chance-in-hell, I'm gonna just post a few episodes. **

**Just a little interlude from… well… whatever it is they do in the ghetto. **

**--**

**Inuyasha and Kagome's crib:**

**(Kagome is asleep on the gritty old couch. TV remote in one hand and an almost empty bottle of Smirnoff in the other. Maury is blaring on the TV.)**

**Kagome:**_ (Waking up) _Ugh… what the fuck?

**(Sits up and rubs her skull. She chucks the remote at the wall and looks over the Smirnoff).**

**Kagome:** Hmm… _(Brings the bottle to her nose and sniffs it. She pulls it away quickly and grins) _Whoa, still strong.

**(Downs the rest of the alcohol without a second thought.)**

**Kagome:** Ah! Nothing like good liquor to wake you up in the morning!

**(She gets up, stumbling a bit, and walks into the kitchen. Dishes are piled in the sink and empty bottles and cans are thrown around.)**

**Kagome:**_(Throwing away the Smirnoff bottle)_ Damn nasty motherfucker! He'd better not have took all the Jello-Shots!

**(Quickly opening the rickety fridge, she frowns to the inside.)**

**Kagome:** What? Old milk and… Chinese? Dammit, that Chinese place was shot up a month ago!  
**(She opens the freezer and cringes, looking utterly pissed.)  
Kagome:** INUBAKA!!

**(A loud crash, like glass breaking, responds; followed by a dull thud and scrambling noises. Inuyasha dumbly stumbles into the kitchen.)**

**(His eyes are bloodshot and hair a mess; a true hangover. He's gripping the neck of what looks like a beer bottle. It's impossible to tell because it's broken at the neck.)  
**  
**Inuyasha:**_(Really unclear) _What do y-you want bit-chh?  
**Kagome:**_ (Glaring at him and crossing her arms) _How many damn times I gotta tell you!?!

**(She reaches into the freezer and pinches the end of something)**

**Inuyasha:** Would you st-top bitchin'? D-damn!  
**Kagome:**_(Shakes her head)_ How many times I gotta tell you-

**(She holds up and waves around a pair of frosted red boxers)**

**Kagome: **-to get yo' _nasty-ass draw's _outta the freezer!  
**Inuyasha:**_(Seeming to have snapped out of his daze from the sight of his own skivvies) _What –eh hell, bitch!

**Kagome:**_(Sighing)_ Dammit, we _all_ know that you like your boys nice and freezy, but you'll just have to get the fuck over it! No one gives a damn about your draw's and they don't need to be in the fucking freezer! What if we had company? You want them to see this!  
**Inuyasha:** Says you the damn housewife! Look at the fucking sink, bitch! You want "company" to see last night's Kentucky Fried floating in piss-water!?!  
**Kagome:**_(Throwing the boxers at Inuyasha) _Don't even fucking _start_ with me! If you'd get off your fucking drunk ass once in a while and put yo' fuckin' _trash_ in the _trash can_ maybe I'd come home from fucking _work_ and clean up!  
**Inuyasha:**_(Tossing the boxers over his shoulder into the bedroom while glaring) _We don't even fucking _have_ a damn trash can!  
**Kagome:** Of course we do you stupid fuck! It's called the window into the fucking neighbor's yard!  
**Inuyasha:** And what do you mean come home from fucking work? You don't fucking do anything at "work" except do your fucking nails and talk to Ayame! At least my fucking job makes me do something so I'll be fucking tired! What's your damn excuse, bitch?  
**Kagome:**_(Clenching her hands into fists by her sides) _Fuck you! I do shit at my job you sonofabitch! All you fucking do is pump unleaded! Press a fucking button!  
**Inuyasha:** Bullshit! You're job is fucking worthless! Kikyou's got a better job than you!  
**Kagome:**_(Grabbing a dirty plate from the sink)_ Oh- _hell no you fucking _**_didn't!  
_**  
**(She throws the plate at Inuyasha's head and he ducks, the plate smashing against the wall into pieces.)**

**Inuyasha:** You fucking psycho bitch! _(He grabs an empty case of beer and chucks it at her)_  
**Kagome:**_(Getting hit with the box)_ Fuck you!

**(She pulls open the drawer and grabs a handful of spoons)**

**Inuyasha:** You can't fuckin' hurt me with _spoons_, dumbass!  
**Kagome:** I can sure as hell try. We don't got any forks 'cause all you ever fuckin' bring home to eat is fried chicken and cheap Chinese! Chopsticks fucking included! I didn't _want_ to get damn cultural but now I'm eating like I'm fucking Chinese, Japanese- shit!

**(She throws two spoons at Inuyasha and he dodges one but gets hit in the head with the other)**

**Inuyasha:** Dammit bitch!  
**Kagome:** Don't you _ever_ fucking compare me to that ugly skank ho: Kikyou! _(Throws the rest of the spoons and Inuyasha flinches)_  
**Inuyasha:** Why the hell not! She didn't fucking _mind_ eating the food I brought home!  
**Kagome:** That's not the _only _fuckin' thing she doesn't mind eating! _(Grabs a pot and tosses it)_  
**Inuyasha:**_(Jumping out of the way)_ At least she didn't fucking try to _kill_ me!

**(He grabs an empty vodka bottle and throws it at Kagome. It shatters against the cabinet door.)**

**Kagome:** Like hell she fucking _didn't!_ Don't you remember when she fuckin' tried to get you busted! _(Throws the old Chinese from the fridge)_  
**Inuyasha:** Still didn't kill me you bitch! _(Throws the broken bottle he had earlier)_  
**Kagome:**_(Throws a few more dirty dishes) _Yes you fuckin' would've! Without your shit you'd die of withdraws!  
**Inuyasha:** Fuck you, I ain't no damn druggie!  
**Kagome:**_(Laugh)_ Like hell you aren't! You'd fucking kill yourself at Kaede's funeral! Even though we're gonna bury her in a bong!

**(Inuyasha runs at Kagome and pins her shoulders to the wall. He glares down at her.)**

**Inuyasha:** Bitch…  
**Kagome:**_(Glaring back at him)_ What are you gonna fucking do? Hit me? Go the fuck ahead. I dare you. Hit me. You heard me you fuckin' coward. Beat the shit outta me.

**(They glare at each other for a minute, a very pissed off look on their faces.)**

**After a while, they're both thinking the same thing:**  
**Both of their thoughts:**_Damn, this is hot._

**(The two suddenly slam their faces together in a masochistic kiss; just a clash of lip and tongue. They eventually migrate to the couch and collapse on it. They're still going at it.)**

**Sango walks in the front door without warning.**  
**Sango:** Dammit Kagomalisha, Inuyasha can you help me with this perv- _oh shit!  
_  
**(Sango quickly covers her eyes and stands there dumbly. She can still hear the two not being bothered in the background.)**

**Sango:** Ugh, not the draw's in the freezer thing again, Kagome! You know Inuyasha only does that when he wants some ass! _(Runs out the door)  
_  
**(Miroku enters right as Sango runs off. He was following her.)**

**Miroku:** Well, well, well! What do we have here?

**(Sango grabs Miroku by the back of the collar and yanks him out of the house.)**

**Sango:** Common ya damn pervert!  
**Miroku:**_(Whining)_ Aw, but I wanna watch!

--

**I don't' really think it needs anymore. At least I updated and I think this is my favourite so far. It's the longest and… lmao, it's pretty funny.**

**I came up with the "Draw's in the freezer" thing in the middle of the night. It was so random I couldn't stop laughing for half an hour. Lmao. **

**-Yura**


	9. The Jerry Springer Show!

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

**I got it! I _finally_ got Tenshi to write the rest of the Jerry Show! **

**And I must say, it's some sort of hilarity! **

**At last, the Jerry Springer Show!**

**--**

**Ayame, Sango and Kagome are rolling over in the floor laughing  
Ayame: **Hell yes! **Hell**…**yes**!!!  
**Sango: **You showed him girl! You **showed** his ass!  
**Kagome:**Shit yeah! Fucking hell **yes!!!**  
**Ayame: **I**love** Maury now!!!  
**Sango: **Oh, Jerry Springer's next!  
**Kagome:**Yeah! I wanna see me break that chair over Kikyou's back!  
**Ayame: **You about **killed** that kinky ho!  
**Kagome: **I know I did! She deserved it to! That fuckin' bitch! Shakin' her nasty skank ass around **my** man!

_**On the TV…  
**_  
**Crowd:****(Screaming) **JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Jerry:****(comes out from backstage calmly, sorting note cards and smiling) **Hello! Hello everyone and welcome! **(Takes a seat)** Today we have a VERY special show… We all know how wonderful it is to finally find that 'special someone' and once you find them, you try your best to make it work…but as we all know too well, things don't always go as happily as planned… Let's get on with it, shall we? Today we have a lovely young lady whose journey to true love has hit a VERY unexpected bump…everyone; this is Kagome's story-

**Kagome: ****( Sitting serenely in the chair beside Jerry's, hands folded in lap)**Thanks Jerry… I've come here today to confront my boo InuYasha…  
**Jerry: ****(Pats her on the shoulder) **It says here you've been together how long?  
**Kagome:****(Scowls) **2 Damn years!  
**Crowd:**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Jerry:****(Stands) **Why don't we get on with it- Here he is- INUYASHA!

**InuYasha:****(Walks out, does the chest-pound-peace-sign-thing and sits beside Kagome) **Sup?  
**Jerry: **Now that we've got both of you out here- Kagome- continue; tell InuYasha what you came here to say…  
**InuYasha: (****Growls) **Oh HELL NO! You're fucking pregnant AGAIN?  
**Kagome: (****Smacks him in the head) **Shut the hell up! I ain't got –**BLEEP- **to say to your ass! The reason I brought you here is 'cuz I know you're mutha –**BLEEP-'n**cheat'n on me!  
**Crowd:****(GASPS)**  
**Kagome:****(Stands and faces the crowd) **That's RIGHT! This sonuvabiotch has been off **(Mimes bump drafting) **with this diiiiiirrrrrrrtttttyyyyyy ass **–BLEEP'n-**SKANK!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**InuYasha:****(Stands up and gets in Kagome's face and tries to put his arms around her) **Don't be like that baby…  
**Jerry: (****sighs and reshuffles cards before getting to his feet and addressing the crowd)**Without further adieu, lets bring out the woman Kagome claims ruined her relationship –and- her life-  
**Kagome:****(Glares at Jerry)** ExCUUUSE me?! That ho didn't ruin my life but I sure as HELL gonna ruin her-  
**Jerry:****(cuts her off)** KIKIYOU!  
**Crowd:****(Begins to scream and jeer and cheer)**

**Kikiyou: (****Runs out middle fingers in full salute and runs to the edge of the stage and screams at the audience**) YA'LL SHUT THE HELL UP YA'LL DON'T KNOW MEEEEEEEE!!! **(Walks over and takes a seat on InuYasha's lap, gives him a big sloppy kiss and a grope before getting up, flipping her hair defiantly in Kagome's direction and sitting down)**  
**Kagome****: (Begins to get up, a murderous look on her face)** Oh HELL no!  
**Jerry:****(Puts a hand on Kagome's head and pushes her back down, clears throat)** So… you're the other woman?  
**Kikiyou:****(smacks her gum loudly) **That's right! But if ya'll wanna get all technical, I'm the ONLY woman! **(smirks at Kagome)** That ho look like a MAN to me!  
**Kagome:****(Leaps from her seat and lunges at Kikiyou) **C'MERE YOU FAT PIECE OF –BEEP-NASTY! **(Jumps on her and they struggle for a bit before falling onto the floor)**  
**Kikiyou: (****Claws at Kagome)**InuYasha baby, get this fugly ho offa me!  
**InuYasha: (****Jumps up and down, grinning and cheering) **RIP HER TOP OFF!!!!!!  
**Crowd: ****(Chants) **RIP IT OFF RIP IT OFF RIP IT OFF RIP IT OFFFF!!!!  
**Steve and other guard-guys: ****(Drag Kagome off of Kikiyou and holds them apart from each other)**  
**Kagome:****(Being held mid air by Steve, her arms and legs flailing madly) **UGLY ASS WAFFLE TWAT!  
**Kikiyou: ****(Spits at Kagome, arms clawing in mid air) **AT LEAST I COULD KEEP A MAN!  
**Kagome:****(Freezes and stares at Kikiyou)**  
**Kikiyou:****(Freezes and stares at Kagome)**  
**InuYasha:****(Scratches his ass when he thinks the camera isn't aimed at him)**  
**Kagome:****(Kicks Steve in the balls, he drops her and she lets out a roar suitable for Xena; Warrior Princess) **That's IT bitch! It's ON!  
**Kikiyou: (****Laughs) **Bring it bitch!

**Jerry: (****Sighs and wonders off to clean his glasses)**  
**InuYasha:****(Nudges Jerry, not realizing his mic is still on) **You got any water up in this place?  
**  
Kagome:****(Grabs a chair)**HUSSY! **(Swings it at her)**  
**Kikiyou:****(Dodges) **SLUT MONKEY!  
**Kagome:****(Swings) **-BEEP-!!!  
**Kikiyou: (****Dodges)**-BEEP-!!!  
**  
Jerry:****(Begins to inconspicuously inch his left pants leg up, finally revealing a hairy, pale thigh, with a shiny hip flask)**  
**InuYasha:****(Arches an eyebrow)**  
**Jerry:****(Takes a drink and offers it to InuYasha)**

**Kagome:****(Swings) -**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-**Her mouth is moving at an astounding speed-**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP- YOUR MOMMA'S UNCLE'S NASTY, BUG EYED, LOW-BALLED PET GOAT!  
**InuYasha & Jerry: **Oh Snap.  
**Kikiyou:****(Staggers slightly**) …Whore!  
**Kagome:****(Shrieks and swings one last, fatal time)**  
**Crowd: (****Silence)**  
**Kagome: ****(Faces the crowd and raises her arms like Rocky as Kikiyou, struck by the chair, groans on the floor) **OH HELL YEEEAAHHH!!

**Jerry:****(Waves off the camera crew, eyes bloodshot, and passes out onto the stage)**  
**Camera Man:****(Cuts to Steve)**  
**Steve:****(Still wary of this abused groin, attempts to compose himself) **I've always wanted to do this! But-But- **(Inuyasha is running around behind Steve with an extremely pissed-off looking Kagome chasing after him. He mouths "Hi mom!") **But what I really want to do… is DIRECT!  
**The Jerry Theme Song begins playing, signaling a sign-off  
Steve:** Aw, man!

**Ayame, Sango, and Kagome are crying, mascara running, they're laughing so hard  
Kagome: ****(Raising a fist in the air) **Whoo! I killed that bitch!  
**Sango:****(Clapping)** That's my ho!  
**Ayame: **Hey, Kagomalisha, isn't his mother dead?  
**Kagome:** Shh! Don't ruin his dream!  
**The door suddenly bursts open, Kaede on the other side  
Kaede:**Merry Christmas you pumpkin-headed, albino fuckers! **(Tosses a bag of grass at the stunned girls and walks away)****  
Ayame**: (**Coming out of the shock)** Kaede, it's Easter!

--

**Alright! There's that! Finally completed! I've got to get some more ideas for little skits for this fic, I know. It'll probably be some big shindig or something. Something in the street… or the Mystic parking lot!**

**-Yura**


End file.
